Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Brb crying the tears of my youth
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
