Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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