Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
