i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
