i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
