Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
