we have officially lost it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
