why didn't you poke me back
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
