I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
