I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me they were just razor bumps!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
