I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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