he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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