oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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