Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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