he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
