Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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