I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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