sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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