I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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