you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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