yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
