it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
