I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
