I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
