ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
