Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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