just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
