Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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