i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
