Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize