He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
