I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
