Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
