Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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