why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
