im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
