It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
