i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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