I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
