you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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