I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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