so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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