forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
