is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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