She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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