dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
