I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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