You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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