You're completely useless in the revolution.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
