I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
