so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
