Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize