can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
