im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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