He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
