these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize