jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
