i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
