god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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