I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
