never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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