either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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