I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
