lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
