I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
