My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
