Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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