Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
