so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
soo... how was my night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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