im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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