i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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