if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
