okay pat passed out under dana's car
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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