You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
