There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
