Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
