currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize