does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
