im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize