Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
