I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
