Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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