At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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