I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
