i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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