Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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