please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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