I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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