I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
