Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
