i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
